The Gladiator
by My Parasites Love Me
Summary: It's Road trip time!


**A/N: Boredom does strange things. **

**Disclaimer: I own NOTHING, I don't even own the freaking Gladiator or brand name food items that may make an appearence in this story. I think I may own Suzuki, I dunno.**

* * *

"Alrighty, does everybody have their stuff together?" Kakashi asked the three Nin. Sasuke and Sakura and Naruto nodded. Today they were going on a short trip, but where they were going was over two hundred miles away, so Kakashi hired his friend Suzuki to drive them there. 

"Oh, one more thing, if you don't do what Suzuki says, bad things will happen." Kakashi warned.

They waited patiently by a tree, Naruto heard a low rumble in the distance.

"Hey, what's that sound?"

A green box on wheels came rolling into Konoha it made a horrible sound as it came near them. The box rolled up to the group. A girl around seventeen with dark blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail with two chunks of hair hanging on both sides of her face jumped out of the driver's seat. "Hello I'm Suzuki, everybody ready?" The girl asked. Everybody but Kakashi was staring confused at this green monstrosity.

"You don't have the Chevy anymore do you?" commented Kakashi

"Naw, the Mystery Machine's engine was shot with a kunai and it died." Suzuki replied.

"What's this one named?"

Suzuki pounded her fist on the hood of the van "The Gladiator."

Sakura was apprehensive about 'The Gladiator' it looked like it could barely stay on its wheels.

"Alright, if you people want to get to where you going in time, load your stuff up in the back." Suzuki ordered.

Sasuke, Sakura, and Naruto dragged their bags to the back of the van. Suzuki came over and unlocked the double doors and opened them.

"Throw it in." Suzuki said pointing at Sasuke

"Hn." Was his reply

They tossed the junk into the back and went back to the other side while Suzuki opened the door "You three, in the van."

Naruto jumped in first "What is this thing?" he asked staring at the horrifying 1970's interior. There was burgundy plush seating and butt-ugly yellow curtains over the tops of the windows. The worse by far was the burgundy shag carpeting wich was fraying in places and stained in others. Sakura came in next "Oh my god." She stared in awe at the ugly. Sasuke looked like he was trying to ignore all the frightening things about the van, but he was failing miserably, his eyes nearly fell out of his head when he spotted the carpeting.

Suzuki hopped into the driver's seat "Alright midgets, get your butts in those seats and buckle up."

Naruto and Sakura chose the two individual seats in front of the couch in the back and buckled up; Sasuke took the middle of the ugly couch seat, but didn't buckle up. Kakashi took shotgun and buckled himself. Suzuki put the key into the ignition and started The Gladiator up and they were off onto the road trip from hell.

Suzuki put on the radio and the hit song "Daikenkai" filled the van. Naruto was jamming out to it, Sakura read her latest magazine and Sasuke started to feel a little queasy, the ride was very bumpy and it made him sick. Sakura turned around to look at him; she saw that he was a little green.

"Hey, are you ok?" She asked

"Oh… yeah I'm just a little…" Sasuke was cut off as Suzuki slammed on the breaks. Sasuke was sent hurling forward and slammed his head on the shag.

"Stupid asses! Watch were your running!" Suzuki shouted at a group of ninja's running across the road. Suzuki turned around to check on everyone and saw that Sasuke was still face-down on the floor.

"I told you to buckle your seat."

Sasuke sat up back on his chair and this time buckled the dang seat.

It wasn't even twenty minutes before Naruto announced that he was bored.

"What do you want us to do about it?" Sasuke grumbled.

"I don't know."

Sakura looked up from her magazine and saw Suzuki toss something at Naruto wich hit him in the head; it was a deck of cards.

"Use your head." She commanded.

Naruto then turned to Sakura "Wanna play?"

Sakura thought for a minute, "What the heck, sure." She put her magazine down and turned again to Sasuke "You wanna play too?" She asked.

"No." he mumbled, he didn't look any better

"C'mon…" Naruto nagged

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Ye-ess"

"Noo-oo."

"YES!"

"For the Last Time NO!" Sasuke screamed.

Suzuki slammed on the brakes again; she turned around and shot Sasuke an evil glare.

"Play the game."

"No."

"I SAID PLAY THE GAME." Suzuki's glare deepened in intensity

"Ok I will!" Sasuke exclaimed

_Geeze she's scary_ Sasuke thought to himself.

For about another hour, they played card games non stop. They played spoons and BS and Poker and Go Fish.

"I'm done." Sakura stated throwing in her cards after the final game of Egyptians Ratscrew.

"Me too." Replied Sasuke.

Naruto gathered the cards together and put them back in the box, Naruto saw watched the passing scenery and realized how hot he was.

"Hey, can you turn the A.C on?" He asked.

"There is none, opena window." Suzuki replied.

Naruto did this, the air coming threw was just as hot as the air inside but was moving so it felt a little bit better.

Naruto turned around; Sasuke was lying down on the couch and snoring. He looked over at Sakura, she had her face pressed against the glass, and she was also snoring. Naruto decided to follow there lead, he closed his eye and drifted off to dreamland. He was woken up thirty minutes later. The van had stopped in front of a group of trees.

"Hey, you guys can get out and stretch your legs if you want too." Said Kakashi. Naruto was the first one out he bent down and touched his toes.

Suzuki turned the engine off and got out.

She stretched her arms over her head, then bent her back backwards and touched the ground.

"Whoa, how'd you do that?" Sakura asked

Suzuki flipped her feet over and stood up.

"I don't know, I've always been thatflexible." Suzuki replied.

"When I first met her, everybody called her 'Stretch'" said Kakashi.

"I'm trying to forget about that." Suzuki laughed.

For the next five minutes the ninja's ran around stretching their legs and shaking off the sleep. Suzuki tried to teach Sakura how to do a back handspring. Naruto found a challenging tree and scaled it. Sasuke after running for a few minutes went back to sleep under a tree. Kakashi picked a different tree and began to read one of his favorite books. When everybody was stretched out, they loaded up the van again and drove off.

(The following events probably caused some temporary insanity among the members of Team 7.)

_F is for friends who do stuff together._

_U is for you and me._

_N is for anywhere, any time at all_

_Here in the deep blue sea…_

"Naruto, must you sing THAT song?" Sasuke snapped.

"Yes" Naruto replied.

_F is for Fire that burns down the whole town!_

_U is for Uranium… Bombs._

_N is for No Survivors!_

_Here in the deep blue see._

"Naruto…" Sakura growled.

"What?"

_F is Frolic through all the flowers _

_U is for Ukulele _

_N is for Nose-picking, cherry gum and sand licking _

_Here with my best buddy._

"Make it stop!" Sasuke shouted.

"Eh it's over" Naruto retorted "But…"

_We are the pirates who don't do anything._

"Oh no…" Sakura gasped

_We just stay home and lie around_

Then the worse thing that could ever happen happened. Kakashi joined in.

_And if you ask us to do anything…_

_We'll just tell you, we don't do anything._

They sang it all the way through. After the final verse they sang even more confusing songs, such as

3. El Cucaracha

2. Barbie Girl

Then the number one, eye twitching, vain popping, sweat dropping song to ever be sung by these two whacked-out freaks

1. Little Girls, by Oingo Boingo

_I I I love little girls they make me feel so… Good._

_I I I love little girls they make me feel so… Bad._

_When they're around they make me feel like I'm the only guy in… town._

TWACH. Sakura hit Naruto upside the head

"You're just feeding a perverted reputation."

"Whatever" Naruto replied and continued his song. They stopped again at a gas station; Suzuki opened the door for everyone.

"If you guys are hungry or need to use the restroom, go inside now. You've got three minutes"

All three of them ran inside got some snacks and did there business and got back in the van.

"Are we there yet?" Asked Naruto

"No" Said Suzuki

Five minutes later… "Are we there yet?"

"No" said Kakashi. Twenty minutes later.

"Are we there yet?"

"For the last time, no! We will be there when we are there!" Shouted Sakura

"Geeze, I was just asking." Said Naruto.

"Though really, how much longer do we have to go?" Asked Kakashi.

"Hmmm, about another hour and a half."

Sasuke went back to sleep, Naruto decided that was a good idea and did the same. Sakura wasn't sleepy at all and was re-reading the new chapter of the _Omoide _manga in her magazine.She had _Little Girls_ stuck in her head and was humming it. She looked up at the seat in front of her, Kakashi's head was rolled to one side and she heard a choking/snorting sound coming from him. Suzuki was mumbling something to herself. It was raining now, kinda hard. Sakura watched the windshield wipers go Back and Forth, Back and Forth, Back and Forth… She began cocking her head back and forth in the rhythm of the wipers, her eyes got heavy. She yawned and closed her eyes, she fell asleep again.

Naruto woke back up, everybody but he and Suzuki were asleep. It was raining hard outside so it was rather cool on the inside.

_Boring…_ He thought to himself.

He then noticed a long piece of grass on the shag floor. He picked it up, unbuckled himself and turned around. He used the grass to tickle Sasuke on the nose; Sasuke swatted at the grass in his sleep, mumbled something then settled down.

_Yes! _

Naruto turned around and reached into his bag, he pulled out a can of whipped cream. He squeezed a bunch of it into Sasuke's hand. He tickled his forehead, Sasuke swatted at it again, but smearing the whipped cream on his face. Naruto laughed and refilled the hand. He tickled Sasuke's cheek, nose, chin and ear. Naruto sat back around inhis chair; it took all his strength to keep from laughing out loud.

Then from out of nowhere, a whipped cream covered hand came and slapped Naruto in the face.

"Hey!" He shouted. He turned around a sprayed whipped cream in Sasuke's hair; that really got Sasuke mad.

"You'll pay for that!" He yelled Sasuke reached into the couch cushion and produced a can of easy-squeeze cheese. Sasuke aimed the nozzle at Naruto and fired. Naruto lost control of his can and sprayed a sleeping Sakura. Sakura jolted awake "What the… Hey!" Sakura grabbed a Hostess cupcake and shoved it in Naruto's ear.

Naruto sprayed her again, this time on purpose. They began screaming and shouting and throwing food and spraying canned toppings. Kakashi sat up and looked behind him, and then he looked over at Suzuki "Shouldn't we stop them?" He asked.

"Nah, let them humiliate themselves." Suzuki grinned evily.

"You're just asking for this!" Sakura screamed. She then took a can of soda and shook it as hard as she could and opened it a crack, she got both of the guys. They in turn, got her both with cheetos and ranch dressing. It was an endless war of junk food flying. Sakura got Naruto with a pudding cup and he got revenge with a pack of dried ramen. Sasuke got them both by whipping them with Red Vines and soy sauce; they ganged up on him with Pringles.

All of a sudden, The Gladiator stopped.

"Huh? What's wrong?" Naruto asked.

"We're here!" Suzuki smiled.

"Oh no…" Groaned Sakura. They were a mess, they looked completely foolish. Sasuke had whipped cream all over his head; Naruto had cupcake spewing from his ear and cheese whiz in his hair. Sakura had bits and pieces of ramen stuck in her hair and covered in salad dressing and they had to go out in public looking like walking buffets.

They got of the van, there was a small group of people there. Out of nowhere, Suzuki and Kakashi came up behind them and squashed them together. A camera flashed.

"Kakashi… if I ever see that picture, I am going to murder you." Snapped Sakura.

"Don't worry, It's going to be all over Konoha when we get back." Kakashi laughed.

"And to think… We get to do this all over again in a couple of days" exclaimed Suzuki.

"Oh no." Moaned Naruto.

"Oh yes!" Says Kakashi

and that was the ride in The Gladiator. The End.


End file.
